huonglee

today i feel like writing in english. i dont know why... but i just feel like it. its funny, cause it has always been easier for me to express my feelings in english than in swedish. pretty funny though, when swedish is my first language. but i guess that whats made me, me. i dont always have the answers to everything. i dont always have the answers to all my actions or what i say. but what i do know is that im me, myself and i. im a woman with secrets, everyone has secrets. my secrets are only secrets because i want to protect those dear to me. seeing them in pain breaks my heart, you get the drift...anyways, i dont think there is a person in this world that knows me inside out, only because i sometimes, dont even get myself...i suffer from depression, okay maybe not anymore...hahaha, i guess you can say that i have crazy emotions...my life is not so great, but i try to make the best of it, on the outside i look normal...typical girl...but deep down there are buried pain... I love my family so much that words can not describe how i feel for them...especially, for my parents (mom, i miss you...) , my brother, my grandma and my aunts Vy&Lien...without their love i dont know where i'll be...i owe them my life..

people tend to think they know me from outside source, judge me base on what they heard or think they know, when in truth, they dont know jack shit about me. not everyone on this green earth is perfect, everyone makes mistakes, mines seems to be blown out of porportion. but in the end, i really dont care because i simply think that people who judge others with a quickness are retarded.

to quote my favourite aunt in the whole wide world, Vy. " love isn't love when the ingredients are missing...all the ingredients must be mixed together for a love to last...without them, love is not love, its only infatuation and lust..." its funny how fucked up we both are. sometimes its kind of scary to realize that we both think and act the same way in some situations. we would rather take all the shit for those we love than to see them get hurt. we dont show the world our emotions. we just keep them to ourselves until it burst. and when that happends, we both know that we have each other. even though we're thousands and thousands miles aways from each other. shes in california and im in sweden. but still, i can feel her presence with me. and that my friends, is true love. so its not about how much money you have. its not about how good looking you are. its not about how many girls/boys you think you can get. its not about what kind of ride you cruise around with. its not about how you can provide. its not about what you can bring to the table.. its either you have it or you dont.. the "it" part is pretty common sence.. personality. people want to be with someone who can respect them inside out. someone who can make them feel like they dont have to hide anything, to be themselves... someone who can make them laugh without trying so hard.. someone who is understanding and trustworthy.. someone who you can joke around with, without having that person take things so pesonally... someone who you can turn to when things arent okay.. someone who you can depend on EMOTIONALLY.. someone who can make you smile, or who can give you a smile just to make you smile..

to be honest.. i really need that person right now. that special one who would just give me a smile just to make me smile.. someone who calls just to hear that im okay. someone that i can love and adore.
but i guess ill be alright, i have my family and friends, whom i really love and adore. thanks for being here for me.. even though im so fucked up! i love you all! ♥
and besides, at least i have my music. oh sweet music... i dont know where i would be without all these beautiful sounds in the world. i would seriously rather be blind than deaf. to never experience the sensation of hearing your favourite music is a satisfaction i wouldnt give away for anything. as i said before, i would give away my sight as long as i have my hearing left. today, i discovered a new artist and album to love. His name is Paolo Nutini and is from scotland. i can assure you that his album these streets is well worth a listen, well, that is if you like acoustic music a la james blunt. its kind of hmm.. "soft musik" so yeah.. its been on repeat on my computer all day long. that and Creed - My Sacrifice. oh, ive forgotten how much i loved that song.

so i guess that todays songs are.. ( dagens låt(ar) ) : Creed - My Sacrifice and Paolo Nutini's album These Streets

" When you are with me, I'm free, I'm careless, I believe. Above all the others, we'll fly, this brings tears to my eyes."



                                 Vy and I.. ♥